If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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