Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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