she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
