SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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