I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
