I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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