oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
