Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
