If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she peed on how many people?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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