Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
