The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
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just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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