I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
