You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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