toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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