i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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