Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
