Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
