Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
