Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
