so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
