In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
