I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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