left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
