when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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