Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
