I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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