Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
