I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
