I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
