i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
