you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
