I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
