things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
