You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize