This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
