I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
