I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
