she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
