you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
