He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
