she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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