Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Acid is not a monday night drug
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
