ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize