omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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