ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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