i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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