no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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