ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
