You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
