i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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