My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
