i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
