also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
