whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
