btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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