Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
