i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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