when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
