I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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