You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
