so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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