maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
