i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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