I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
