i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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