I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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