the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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