Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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